Stupid things my coworker has said

The only thing you need to know before reading these is that the guy, Justin, wears his hair in a "half-hawk." This means he shaved all of his hair except a strip on top, which, as he says, he pulls back into such a tight ponytail that he's going bald. One person compared his hair to a Davy Crockett hat. And that's damn accurate. Get the picture? Here are the quotes.

• "I weigh a little over 200. [When pressed:] About 250."

• "This program, man, Celestia, you can look at stars. You can zoom around real fast, and it shows the speed, k over m or something. Maybe kilometers per mile."

• "The night she got pregnant, we didn't have a condom. I didn't care. I figured I was responsible enough to face up to the consequences [and face up he has -- at 19, he's got a kid]."

• "This guy squealed to the state because his mom was using crack with her boyfriend. Even though she had somebody babysitting them at the time. What a little bitch."

• "If I got paid to do what I do, I'd be a millionaire."

• "If I wrote a book, nobody would believe me."

• "Supposively..."

• "What kind of idiot can't tell the difference between Koreans and Japanese?"

• "I can't remember who, but they did a study about Bill Gates that said it wouldn't be worth it for him to bend down and pick up a 500 dollar bill."

• "America was founded by bigots. Everyone in America is a bigot. We're the only country in the world like that."

• "Man, I'm going to be a millionaire. I'm an inventor. Want to hear my idea? I've got the idea to make farts smell like things. Someday women will have parties where they fart rose scents on each other. I have to patent this."

• "I'm a mechanical genius. I made a device that lets you get high without doing anything. My friend almost passed out, though."

• "I hate rednecks."

• "A guy I know pokes holes in the condoms at the bowling alley he manages."

• "In my opinion, George Bush is even worse than Hitler. I like Bill Clinton, though."

• "My girlfriend hated her ex-fiance because he'd take her Camaro off jumps."

• "I met my girlfriend when she started hanging out with my brother because she was sick of her fiance. After a few weeks she started to like me and left her fiance, and then we moved in together."

• "Blah blah blah Dungeons and Dragons blah blah blah People love it when I'm the dungeonmaster blah blah."

• "Blah blah Magic the Gathering blah blah."

• "I went to a brothel in Dungeons & Dragons this weekend with my friend. We spent a million copper pieces on a halfling. We were playing as half-ogres. We impaled her, if you know what I mean about half-ogres. We left without paying."

Ok, I'm sure I'll have plenty more material in the days ahead now that I've committed myself to bringing a little notepad to work.