I pass time at work by lying to a gullible coworker, Tim. The lies, some of which I am sharing below, aren't particularly imaginative, but they are funny if you keep in mind that he was willing to believe them virtually without question.
I have told this fellow...
that Joey Lawrence was initially cast for the role Edward Norton played in American History X.
that a woman we work with who he has a crush on broke up with her fiance. His mind went into overdrive, his thought process going something like this: "She smiled at me today. I may have to ask her out on MySpace. Speaking hypothetically, of course, maybe she broke up with her fiance for me." Aahahahahahaha. To this day, he insists that prefacing his wild fantasy with "hypothetically" means he didn't really believe it. NO. FAIL.
that Maypo, the cat whose name I wrote in for every office in the 2005 local elections, won the race for County Coroner, thus causing a county-wide hunt for this mysterious "Maypo."
that my dad accepted a job as a curator of a Chicago meatpacking plant-turned-museum (my dad is a local driver for a beer distributor).
that my dad's favorite sport is cricket. I forgot about this for many months until our conversation turned to some topical matter concerning cricket, which is when he asked what my dad's opinion was, whereupon I burst into laughter directed at him.
that the universe was ending in 50 years, and that if he saw a slow-moving wall of white (nothingness), he'd better run in the opposite direction if he wanted a few more moments of existence.
that I shouted out "Hymen tourist!" at Norm Coleman at a political rally.
that I once told a kid on the playground that a bat bit him and that the unnecessary rabies treatment forced his family into debt and eventually into selling their house, which forced them to move to a trailer park in some rural town not far from here.
that he must've lost his boxcutter (which I took from his sheath as I stood near him) in the toilet; he checked for it there twice before I finally gave it back to him.
that a young coworker that he bought alcohol for got into a car-crash and was in a coma. He panicked and replied, "Is it a medically induced coma?"